Category: Uncategorized

CONTENT WARNING: THIS ARTICLE MENTIONS SUICIDE AND SUICIDE IDEATION.

Hi Ali, I really appreciate the opportunity to interview you about the important and much-needed support system that Find Your Anchor gives. Before we dive into the details of the movement, I’d love to start by learning a little more about you. Where are you from?

Hey there, Matty! Thank you so much for having me! I’m originally from Philly, but have slowly migrated west. I had a ten year pitstop in Chicago, before fleeing the polar vortex (yes, that was a real thing!) for Southern California back in 2019.

1. For those that aren’t aware, what is Find Your Anchor? Can you tell us about the founding story of Find Your Anchor? What inspired its creation and how did the grassroots movement begin?

Find Your Anchor is a grassroots movement (and nonprofit!) dedicated to suicide prevention, awareness, and education. We approach this work with creativity and a deeply personal touch, aiming to support those who are struggling and de-stigmatize conversations surrounding suicide and mental health. We’re fueled by the desire to save lives – believing in the power of creativity, small acts of kindness, and community to effect real change.

Find Your Anchor was born out of my own lived experience. Frankly, I created it as a direct response to how sterile, corporate, and cold so many other mental health resources felt. In my darkest moments, I didn’t want a white hospital brochure with 1-800-numbers. I needed to know someone cared. I needed connection. Find Your Anchor was created by someone who gets it, someone who’s been there, by a stranger who cares.

The core idea is that everyone needs an anchor – a dependable, stable, secure base to hold onto, something that keeps you grounded no matter what storms may come. Find Your Anchor doesn’t presume to be the anchor, or have all the answers. Instead, we set out to create a community of anchors, and we do that with the help of our little blue boxes.

These boxes, sometimes referred to as “mental health first aid kits,” are packed with tangible materials designed to inspire and offer support. Items include a 52+ Reasons to Live deck of cards, an infographic on depression, list of resources, posters, stickers, a letter from a stranger who cares, a mixtape of uplifting music, a bracelet, and other sweet nothings – all infused with color, good vibes, and a personal touch.

Find Your Anchor translates mental health support into something you can physically hold. Each box is a gift you can give to a loved one, a tool that can be pulled from a backpack, kept in a car, or placed on a friend’s desk when they need it most. It’s a curated experience, created by someone with lived experience. Our FYA box is so much more than a care package – it’s a catalyst for difficult conversations and a tangible tool in the fight to save lives.

It all started very organically. I began creating these boxes and sharing them with friends, family, anyone I thought might benefit. Then I started launching them “out in the wild” for people to find – in the self-help section of the library, on a park bench, in a coffee shop, on a fish statue in Amsterdam. Everywhere. Anywhere. The response was immediate and powerful. It became clear that this kind of tangible, personal support was desperately needed. 

From there, it grew into a grassroots movement, with more and more people joining in to help build boxes, spread the word, and support each other. We’ve now launched over 94,000 FYA boxes into schools, communities, and directly into the hands of those struggling, and we’re continuing to expand our reach every day.

2. What role do community engagement and local partnerships play in the work that Find Your Anchor does? Can you share some examples of how local communities are involved in your efforts?

Community engagement and local partnerships are fundamental to Find Your Anchor’s work. We’re incredibly aware that we cannot do this work alone. We can go so much further when we join forces for something powerful. Because of this, we regularly partner with organizations that complement our own to help us reach more communities in targeted ways. 

One unique benefit of FYA boxes is their ability to be customized for specific geographic or demographic regions. With each partnership, we offer the option of customized resources. This means that every box sent to that partner is packed with resources unique to that location and/or the demographic our partner serves. This flexibility gives us maximum reach, because our focus in that partnership comes from the focus of our partners. We utilize their expertise in the region to make the most meaningful impact where they are.

We’ve had so many partners help us reach more people than we ever could alone. One partnership we’re especially proud of is our work with Teen Mental Health First Aid / National Council for Mental Wellbeing. Together we’ve launched 10,000 boxes into over 100 high schools across the country. 

Additional partners include: Lady Gaga’s Born This Way Foundation, San Francisco 49ers, Los Angeles Lakers, Minnesota Vikings, Comedy Gives Back, Las Vegas Raiders, Indianapolis Colts, Super Bowl Host Committee, MusiCares, Los Angeles Department of Mental Health, Verizon, Chicago Public Schools, Kevin Bacon’s Six Degrees, and Kate Spade New York. 

Essentially, we see ourselves as part of a larger ecosystem of support. We’re not trying to be everything to everyone. There’s no one-size-fits-all solution. But by working closely with local communities, we can leverage their existing strengths, tap into their unique understanding of the local ecosystem, and ensure that our resources are reaching those who need them most. It’s about empowering communities to take ownership of their own mental health support and build a stronger, more compassionate network for everyone.

3. Mental health and suicide prevention are deeply sensitive topics. How does Find Your Anchor approach these subjects in a way that encourages open dialogue and reduces stigma?

We approach mental health as humans. I was once told that the FYA box felt like a hug from a friend, and to me that’s everything. 

The people that request FYA boxes are not barcodes or insurance group numbers – they’re Mattys and Alis. Although everyone’s experience with mental health is different, at the end of the day we all share a common humanity. So our goal is to infuse humanity into everything we do at FYA.

Beyond that, we use the power of creativity to approach these sensitive topics. Find Your Anchor’s whole brand is designed to be creative, visually appealing, and welcoming. 

The Find Your Anchor boxes themselves also play a crucial role in opening dialogue. They’re not just a collection of items; they’re a conversation starter, a tangible expression of care, and a tool that can be used in a private, personal way. 

We’re also all about anchors, which we define as the little things in life that bring you joy. They don’t have to be groundbreaking or obvious. Anchors can be steak tacos, a lazy Sunday, Home Alone 2: Lost in New York, a hot shower, pink Starbursts, an iced dirty chai, the smell of fresh laundry.

My go-to anchors if I’m having a bad day: I want to come home, lay on the sofa, order Chinese food, and watch Sister Act 2. It’s not solving any of my problems. It’s just something to get you through another night, another two hours, another 10 minutes. 

These seemingly small things can have such a huge ripple in someone’s life – especially someone who’s struggling.

4. How does Find Your Anchor educate the public on identifying warning signs of suicide and supporting individuals in crisis? What resources or tools do you offer to individuals and communities?

FYA boxes are catalysts for tough conversations around mental health. We’ve realized that a large barrier to help is the fear of the conversation itself, so we’re always focused on how we can use creativity to make a heavy conversion easier.

Once that conversation is started, the box itself becomes a roadmap for support.

Each FYA box includes a curated infographic on depression, complete with self care tips and recommendations for help. The infographic itself is thoughtfully designed and infused with color. It’s meant to transcend the impersonal “white hospital pamphlet” and educate people without making them feel like a statistic.

Every FYA box we launch into the world also comes with two identical resource lists. We always include two because we encourage individuals to relaunch their boxes for someone new if/when they no longer need them. When they relaunch the box, they can hold onto one list and leave one in the box.

For every large partnership we have, we also offer our partners the option to customize these resources. That way a school in Appalachia can receive localized resources that are relevant to them, while an LGBTQ+ center in Las Vegas can receive ones more focused on their needs.

At the end of the day, our goal is to equip individuals (and communities!) with the knowledge and tools they need to offer support in a way that is both compassionate and effective. That starts with opening the door to conversations on mental health and ends with making people feel seen and valued. We believe that by empowering people to find their anchors we’re creating a grassroots network of support that can make a real difference in preventing suicide.

For anyone struggling, here are a few resources to get you started:

• 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline – Call or Text: 988
• Crisis Text Line – Text HOME to 741 741
• The Trevor Project – 1-866-488-7386
• Find A Helpline – Global Directory
• findyouranchor.us/Resources 

5. What has been the most impactful moment or success story you’ve experienced since starting the movement? How do you measure the effectiveness of your work in preventing suicides?

Several years ago we stumbled on an article about a woman’s experience with a Find Your Anchor box. She was in Las Vegas for work and was in the car with her driver, Marques. The two made small talk for a while, until she asked him his plans for the weekend. He responded that he planned to take his life. Immediately, she canceled her meetings for the day.

She just so happened to have a Find Your Anchor box in her purse. They went through the box together and the two sat for hours in the car, talking. Marques said that moment, that box, saved his life.

The two of them both ended up getting anchor tattoos – in honor of this lifesaving encounter. We’ve also now had the pleasure to meet Marques and are honored to call him our friend.

That woman, it turns out, was Maya Enista Smith – the Executive Director of Lady Gaga’s Born This Way Foundation – now also a dear friend, an incredible mentor, and the officiant at my wedding!

To hear about the impact of FYA from Maya herself: youtube.com/watch?v=n9AbESeuZzw

This story captures Find Your Anchor in a nutshell, but nearly every week we receive messages from box recipients telling us that the box saved a life. These testimonials are so powerful to us, not just because they demonstrate the box’s impact, but also because they don’t strip the humanity out of that impact. 

We can always provide you with more data/metrics, but receiving messages like these below demonstrate the true power of this movement. People are literally telling us that this box saved their life.

– “Your movement saved my life. I was going through a really tough time, and I contemplated suicide daily for close to 9 months. I was skeptical at first, when I saw the box. I did not think that there can be anything someone puts in a box this size that would show me a reason to live. You guys gave me 52.”

– “I just wanted to let you know that you saved a life today.”

– “Last year I received one of your boxes and it made all the difference in the world for me. Just recently I have found myself opening it again and again to regain that strength and hope that exists within your mission.”

– “Yesterday, I opened my mailbox and found a package in there from you. From the deep depths of my heart, I thank you. You’ve saved a life.”

I can’t think of a greater impact than that. 

Ali Borowsky is the Founder/CEO of Find Your Anchor

For more about Find Your Anchor: findyouranchor.us

Find Your Anchor on Instagram: findyouranchorbox

Find Your Anchor is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit- please consider making a donation today. 

Article by Matty Cardarople/Answers written by Sam Simmons

Sam Simmons Interview – Ctrl Alt Delete Stress

Sam Simmons is an award-winning comedian and actor, and is known for creating the Silly Billy Walk with his daughter.  

Hey Sam! Thanks so much for chatting with us. First off, I’m a huge fan of your work! Also, I want to thank you very much as my wife surprised me with a Cameo from you when I was under the weather and it really cheered me up. Okay, enough of me fanboying. Let’s get this interview rolling! 

1. Where are you from? What was the moment you knew you wanted to be a comedian? What’s your favorite project you’ve worked on and why? 

Hi Matty, thank you very much for reaching out. I’m a big fan of your goofiness too. I come from the city of Adelaide in South Australia. I guess the closest comparison I found in the U.S. was Albuquerque, New Mexico. It’s a weird place full of lots of odd stories and lots of unsolved murders.

I think my favorite project is always live, but I had the absolute pleasure to create my own pseudo-weirdo sketch show back in 2012 called Problems. It only ran for four episodes as it confused the commissioners.

2. What is a Silly Billy Walk for those that don’t know? And what inspired you to use silly walks as a way to connect with people and support their mental health journey?

The silly walk is a thing I used to do every weekend with my daughter— we would dress up like idiots and walk around the streets. Eventually more and more people asked why we were doing it, and eventually, they joined. Sadly, I don’t do the walk as much as I used to, as my little girl is growing up.

3. Have you noticed any specific benefits or changes in people’s moods when they try silly walks themselves?

I think to be silly in life has many benefits, especially reminding yourself of the child you used to be. I think we take life way too seriously these days and silliness provides positives for mental health and overall happiness. No matter what, I will never not be silly.

4. Do you think there’s a connection between physical humor, like silly walks, and reducing anxiety and stress? Why do you think it works?

I think any type of playfulness or silliness is totally beneficial to your mental health. I think especially in men, the inability to connect on a more playful level except when drunk poses lots of problems. I know for certain a lot of older men will only ever share feelings with their other male friends when they’re drunk. You don’t need alcohol as an excuse to “get silly.”

5. How do you balance being funny and keeping things light-hearted while addressing the serious topic of mental health?

Even though I’ve pretty much retired from live stand-up, I’ll never escape my silly. It’s in my bones. I have funny bones and that is probably why I had such a fantastic career. Sadly, due to an inability to overcome my own anxiety and lack of ego and drive, I find myself withdrawing more and more from the world of entertainment. This is not a bad thing— instead of worrying about where my next paycheck comes from or being on the road for long stretches of time, I’d like to be present for my little girl.

6. If someone feels too shy or self-conscious to try a silly walk, what advice would you give them to take that first step (or silly step?)

The best thing about the Silly Billy Walk is the ability to dress up and disguise yourself, and also, you’re surrounded by a group of likewise silly people also probably a bit embarrassed about what they’re doing! But that was the best thing about it— safety in numbers and anonymity (if needed.)

7. What’s next for you career-wise and where can people find you?

Not much Matty, we have a pretty tiny market over here in Australia, so I’m just getting along supporting my partner and being a good dad. Hopefully you’ll see me soon in a film called The Deb directed by the very talented Rebel Wilson. I guess that will be screening in 2025. Other than that, you’ll find me making school lunches and being silly in the schoolyard.

If you’re interested in getting silly with Sam: 

Instagram: @samthebamsimmons

IMDb: imdb.com/name/nm3065900/

1. Kirsten! Thanks so much for doing an interview. Matty and I are excited to feature you and Tretbar Therapy. Please tell us a little bit about Tretbar Therapy and what inspired you to go back to school to get your Masters of Science in Marriage and Family Therapy? (Congratulations, by the way!) 

Hi, lovely people! I’m Kirsten Tretbar, LMFT. I’m a psychotherapist, and owner of Tretbar Therapy, a mental health private practice based in Kansas City. We serve clients of all ages and life stages. I specialize in family therapy for people who are neurodivergent, on the spectrum, gifted and/or highly intelligent. We work with anyone dealing with depression, anxiety, stress, or the debilitating effects of trauma, such as PTSD: helping individual adults, kids and teens, couples, siblings, parents and their children, and whole families no matter how big. I think one of the reasons I became a therapist, despite the fact that I faced my own difficulties with depression and anxiety through the years, has to do with my own difficult experiences being a really smart little kid. I was opinionated, talkative, and sensitive. I might have had ADD, but honestly, I think I was just really bright. I would get into fights with a lot of young boys, mostly the school bullies who were hurting my friends, and I’d get sent home from school with a fat lip and black eye, after defending everyone. I like to think I’ve always had a kind of warrior spirit! 

As I grew up, I discovered my tribe-  the other weird, bright, bouncy kids in theater and choir, and this probably saved me. Expressing my feelings in dramatic ways, and living the emotional experiences of others, helped soothe my own struggles with being different and seeing the world in complicated ways. It also helped alleviate the discomfort I was dealing with at home, with my brilliant Doctor father who had his own bouts of depression and alcohol dependence, and my intuitive, over-functioning mother, who was stuck always smiling and loving us, and keeping it all together. I think I always felt protective of those who couldn’t fight for themselves, and I was always seeking out ways to save my friends and family. I don’t consider this codependence by the way. I consider this kindness, hopefulness, courage, and love! And now I get to do it professionally, and it’s so fulfilling.

Kids who are smart are often super anxious. This is due to their brain development being asynchronous. In other words, their emotional and logical intelligence are often at odds with imbalance between the strength of the right and left side. On top of that, brain development is much slower for the upper, logical, levels of the brain, than the lower, emotional levels, so there is a kind of imbalance in childhood brain functioning – coming on line at different periods – over years at a time. For example, almost all the 7-year-olds I see yell to their parents, “I hate you!” or “You hate me!” or “I wish I was dead!” Families come to me frantic about this. This shout out is really just a young person who still views the world in black and white terms, but is intelligent enough to see that things are unfair. It’s super confusing to them. They see everything as either safe, or a threat. This isn’t their fault. It’s because their brain hasn’t developed the logical prefrontal cortex part, which controls the ability to experience empathy, say, for a tired dad who’s trying to get his kid into bed.

This brain issue leads to kids acting out, with wild emotional mood swings, and what expresses itself as depression and anxiety. When we are kids acting weirdly, then our parents worry, and then they act weirdly, then this worries us and we act even weirder. Pretty soon, everyone’s acting really really weird, and all is chaos! As kids, we become the class clowns, or the teacher’s pet, or we cause trouble, making honking, farting noises with our hands under our arms, throwing ourselves upon people inappropriately, pushing people we actually like, freaking out and screaming about germs, crying uncontrollably! I love having creative sessions with kids like this where I let them do all the weird, hilarious, nervous system regulating stuff they need to do, and then discussing it all with them afterward, or drawing, or using puppets and funny voices to try to understand their emotions. Kids and their parents need this. I’ve found that it’s been really helpful for clients who come to Tretbar Therapy to get this kind of integrated mental health help for the whole family. It’s quickly becoming my specialty.

2. As a therapist, how do you balance taking care of your clients’ mental health while also prioritizing your own?

Taking care of yourself as a therapist, for me, means getting plenty of rest, unplugging when not working, laughing a lot, walking, not drinking much alcohol, if ever, and eating healthy food. It also means physical affection and touch, lots of hugs and kisses, with my family and husband, and lots of unplanned time to just putz. Put music on. Do some laundry. Lie in bed. Walk.

Do we always have to be goal-oriented? No. Time unplanned is possibly the most important thing a person can do for themselves. This is especially true for those who work long hours, for kids who are over-extended with after school events, for adults with jobs that keep them plugged into computers, tablets, and phones. Learning to relax is hard. It’s taken me years to not feel guilty. I often just relax by reading or writing. Reading gets you out of your reactive brain and into your PFC. It’s a soothing activity. You can also use the mantra, “Nowhere to go, nothing to do,” while you do the dishes or sit on your sofa petting your cat.

I’m a huge science fiction and spy thriller reader, as well as a reader of biographies and Civil War histories, and I even read stupid Regency romance books. I probably read two books a week on my Kindle. There’s nothing more relaxing than a lazy Saturday, when I’ll unplug with a book, have a fireplace blaring on my TV screen with loud crackling noises, make myself some hot chocolate, put on my sweats and a huge comfy sweatshirt, and sit beside my husband, while he DJs or plays a video game, or fiddles on the piano. I’m just a big believer in allowing yourself to do as little as you need to do to be happy. If there are a pile of dirty dishes, so what. Seriously. You will get to them when they bother you enough. I believe in being very, very gentle with yourself, your body, your emotions, your needs, and slowing way, way down. Say no, often, and easily. Your body will thank you.

I’m pretty well-balanced, because I always keep my focus on the positive aspect of therapy, and that is, that I have never seen a client get worse with therapy. They have ALWAYS, and I mean, ALWAYS, felt better after doing therapy.

There’s proof in the pudding, as they say. I have this positive view of healing because I live and experience it every single day. I’ve spent two years with some clients, and have seen the whole cycle of coming in to therapy in a total state of crisis, to terminating therapy after months or years, with complete healing, growth, and change, over time. I have experienced for others, and for myself, what therapy can do, the change and growth and strength it can foster; and so I am never as afraid as the client is, who comes in feeling desperate. I am the hope that they are seeking, but are unable to feel right now. I know first-hand how much better they will feel, with time.

Another important thing to realize about therapists, is that they do this work, because they also have their own therapy and support systems. Almost all therapists do some version of what is formerly called supervision. No matter how long they’ve been practicing, most therapists organize weekly or monthly hour-long sessions, with either one particular therapist supervisor, or a group of fellow therapist/colleagues. If we feel anything brewing in our bodies, like obsessively thinking and worrying about a client, we know we are going through the age-old therapists’ experience called countertransference. Freud was obsessed with transference and countertransference. It’s not a shameful thing. It happens. And we talk about it with our supervisors, and we laugh and cry, and learn that it’s okay to feel deeply. Hey, we’re just people sitting in a room listening and caring, of course we’re gonna feel emotional.

Most beginning therapists see a supervisor for almost three years, on a weekly basis, one to two hours a week! In grad school we are also under supervision for almost two years, up to three hours a week. So our work and our emotional process is always being discussed, supported, monitored, taught, held, advised. Supervision also means that the MFT therapy profession is a very serious, very well trained and monitored one. Marriage and Family therapists have some of the longest, most vigorous training standards, in the entire counseling/therapy profession.

3. Many people struggle with anxiety or depression, especially during life transitions. What’s one personal experience you’ve had with mental health challenges, and how has it shaped the way you support others?

I think it was Carl Jung who once said something like, “wounded people heal wounded people.” The short and the long of my journey toward opening Tretbar Therapy, and becoming a therapist in private practice, relates to my own health challenges and growth. For most therapists, this is usually true. My first day of grad school many of us admitted that we had struggled with our own mental health. We were all also very obviously, smart, opinionated, reserved, funny, strong, truth-speaking, private, articulate, sensitive, and natural leaders. It was the most incredible thing to experience, to come into a room full of complete strangers, who you very quickly realize are people who are like your total mirror image!

My own health challenge happened in 2020, during Covid, when so many people were facing their own similar struggles. I was dealing with crazy exhaustion during the pandemic, and my own anxiety, and I felt so alone, overwhelmed, and sick. To quote Matty in one of his stand-up routines, “I have anxiety. I’m the only one.” I’m feeling anxious that I didn’t quote him correctly – Sorry Matty! 

I think all the stress just made my body freak out and shut down. I started having horrible panic attacks and was in and out of the hospital with worries about heart arrhythmia. I had the feeling I was going to die. I had no idea it was actually stress and anxiety. I was working 50 hours a week in a surgery center, having to sell procedures to 25 patients a day, wearing a mask and a face shield. I eventually got help. My doctor advised me to quit my job or take FMLA, and seek help immediately. I did.

This period of my health struggles really influenced my choice to become a therapist, as well as helping me determine the way I do therapy. My own psychotherapist, Tim, is a brilliant, gruff guy who uses humor constantly in sessions and he is absolutely my role model. He wears stupid, ironic t-shirts that say things like, “Due to unfortunate circumstances, I am awake!” He’ll show you his diploma on his wall, which is a silly sign that reads, “Don’t ask me, I just work here.” He cracks jokes in between more serious, heart-felt, insightful work, sitting back in a huge reclining chair. He looks more like a fire chief than a therapist, like he came out of Central Casting, or like Judd Hirsch in “Ordinary People.” He likes to send me funny video clips throughout the week, such as Bob Newhart in the famous Mad TV skit “Stop It!” This brilliant therapist, with his funny down-to-earth personality, really saved my life.

For those of you who know a bit about Psychiatrists and Psychotherapists, my therapist was a lot like the famous Carl Whitaker, one of my favorite MFT founders, that I studied in grad school. Carl called his method Therapy of the Absurd. He was one of the great physician/founders of the Marriage and Family Therapy field, a specialty that had its groovy roots in the 60s and 70s, and grew out of research on communications/systems theory, cybernetic functioning in computer systems, as well as Anthropology. 

Whitaker was known for his gruff personality, which included going to sleep on his patients/clients, because “I probably found you just as boring as your wife does.” Anyway, my funny, wonderful therapist, who was a lot like Whitaker, helped me heal in a big way that year. I got on top of my panic and anxiety issues, and I realized, with my husband’s support, I could go back to school and do this for a living. I’d been an actress and acting teacher in my past, as well as a documentary filmmaker, and I was really used to working creatively with people to uncover emotions and truths. I’d been a medical educator and counselor for several years too. So it just made sense to do this. Having had my own mental health struggles, as well as my own healing, had given me a kind of strength and positivity, behind what I do in the session room. I believe in the process because it worked for me too.

4. How has the role of humor affected your life or your career?

My own therapist really modeled this for me, and it’s been incredibly helpful using humor with my patients/clients. I love the name of this blog website. I’m guessing that you comedic geniuses already innately know this: that creating absurd mental images like “control, alt, delete” for stress and anxiety, is actually a treatment intervention called externalization? If not, you’re already doing your own therapy, so good for you! 

Externalizing is questioning the stress outside of your body, separating it from your own self, using humor to take its strength away, as if it’s just a stupid computer program. And isn’t that what our nervous system is, really? Just a stupid computer we should be able to throw at the wall? Doing this kind of whimsical reframe is the basis of Narrative Therapy, and it’s also called “challenging the narrative” which is another way of saying, “externalizing the stressor.” 

Incidentally, I used puppetry and lots of humor in my thesis Capstone project and I wrote my thesis about this exact thing! In fact, I just used this Narrative method of externalizing only yesterday with a young client. We named and drew out our anxiety, making huge funny pictures of our “bully brains” on the giant white board in my office. My anxiety bully was called Anxious Arnie and he looked like a skinny old man with a long goatee, who was always freaking out about everything. I encouraged my young client to come up with funny names and silly voices for their anxiety bully too, and we were in hysterics! It was a really profound session. (Please understand one thing here: It may sound like everything is fun and games when I tell a story like this. That’s not really the case.) Just so you know, my client came into the session that day, tearful and very shut down after a truly scary situation at school earlier that day. They are a very young child who is extremely smart and they struggle with terrible fears that control their life. It’s been a very debilitating situation for this child and family. For them to let go and be able to giggle and laugh about their fears, is a sign of incredible progress, a true breakthrough!

Externalizing a problem is so helpful. It takes you into a place of humor and silliness. The reason this helps with healing, is not just that it’s fun, although that’s a wonderful thing too. The work I do may sometimes be playful, but there’s a scientific, well-researched reason for this. The reasoning has to do with the brain’s neurobiology. In order to understand humor and silliness, you are forcing your nervous system to calm down and your logical prefrontal cortex has to kick in. Your PFC wakes up and gets back online, in order to understand the logic of the joke. This takes you out of the stress response – the fight, freeze, flee, or fawn response (which rules OCD and causes even more trauma!) So even if your body is stressed and anxious, it can’t stay that way when you’re trying to get the joke, tell the joke, or lighten your mood by being funny. Your nervous system can’t do both at once – be in a panic mode AND laugh at a joke. So humor forces the nervous system to calm down in order to understand the joke.

Hey comedians! Might there be a reason you are drawn to your profession? (Duh!) Knowing this is the reason that I feel comedians must have free reign in all societies. They are our truth speakers, our unifiers, our mystics, our regulators, our healers, and our challengers. In short, you are healing all of us with your humor. Thank you! You are calming us and our stupid anxiety bully brains by making our nervous systems switch gears, to make sense of the joke. In short, you are also therapists!

5. Is this the first time you’ve owned your own business, and how do you handle the unpredictabilities of Entrepreneurship?

Having a private practice in the mental health scene is a very personal business. Luckily, I have the love, support, and great good energy of a life soul-mate, who after 23 years, is still the funniest, most authentic person I’ve ever met – my British husband, Ozzy. Ozzy’s my best friend in the whole world, and he’s been helping me all along the way, always believing in me like a rock. I do not take that kind of support for granted. I’m really lucky to have it. I’m pretty lucky to be married to a designer/computer engineer/coder guy. Ozzy helped me do all the marketing, design, and promotions for our office and business. Incidentally, he designed and ordered the business card I shared as a picture here. When I realized it had a familiar look to it, but couldn’t name why, he laughed and told me, “Do you like the ecru color, or the watermark?” I instantly got the joke. He told me about how he found a website that does the exact same designs for cards from the hilarious scene in “American Psycho.”

A while back, Ozzy was handing out our business cards at a party full of therapists, and I was horrified. I still wasn’t entirely on board to use them. I was oddly certain no one would get the joke, or that if they did, then they’d be super offended. You have to be careful with humor in the business of therapy, because people can get triggered over things you aren’t aware of; and you really want to be careful to protect people from harm at all times. Anyway, all my friends at the party thought the cards were hilarious. They instantly got the joke. So maybe I was being overcautious.

A few weeks later, I put those cards on my desk, but I still wasn’t really handing them out. One day one of my clients was finishing her session, putting on her coat to go, and she happened to see one of the cards on the stand by my computer. She grabbed it and shouted, “American Psycho, right? Oh my God! I love it! That’s one of my favorite movies! Can I take a few and show my husband?” I told my client the story about how Ozzy had ordered them and before I could even say that I wasn’t sure about them, she interrupted me and said, “No, Kirsten! You HAVE to use these cards! They’re wonderful! People will laugh and love it!” After that, I started using them. I mean, if you get it, you get it. If not, then they’re just very elegant, classic business cards, right?

6. What’s one piece of advice you’d give to someone who’s thinking about seeking therapy but feels hesitant or overwhelmed about starting?

For those of you who already go to a therapist, please know that we really, really do think about you in our off hours, and we worry about you. We really, really do care about you! We take our jobs very seriously. And if your therapist doesn’t, then I’m so sorry, because they are “el-jerk-arinos” and they don’t deserve your business or your trust. I might recommend that you tell them how you feel, or if this feels too scary, it’s really okay to either quit, or ask for a referral, or just find someone else. They’ll get over it, and maybe they’ll learn and get better. 

Psychology Today is a great place to find a therapist. There are also so many online forums as well, and they’re all pretty good. For those of you who are nervous about finding a therapist or getting into the elusive thing we call therapy… I like to tell new clients that therapy doesn’t have to be scary, or even sad. You don’t have to sob your heart out in a session for it to be a great session. I think this image is really a myth, and it keeps people from coming. I encourage you to let that image go. I believe therapy can be emboldening, encouraging, and uplifting. It should be clarifying and balancing, and feel easy and gentle. It can even be boring and slow, and really effective. It can be loud, full of anger, or wacky, even hilarious, wildly creative, and even fun. 

Every therapist and every session is different. You can think of therapy as going on an adventure to uncover all the stories of your family, and ways you are the same and different. It’s almost like doing an ethnographic or archeological field dig on yourself. Thankfully, going to therapy has become so normalized. If you’re worried about getting into too much heavy stuff, or feel shame around going to therapy, you might learn that this idea is really changing. Just go on TikTok, Insta, or Snap and see how the 15-to-30-year-olds view therapy. They come into my sessions with everything already figured out. This younger generation is incredible. They’ve been going to therapy and learning about self-care for years. But note, they’re also very good at hiding, or masking that they’re okay. In my honest opinion, this generation is really struggling.

Therapy doesn’t have to be a big deal. Going to therapy has become totally mundane, which is great. It should be a normal, everyday thing. When done right, it can be both simple and complex, mundane and totally profound, all at the same time. That’s the paradox of therapy. Sometimes the most boring, slow sessions, do the most healing. A lot of the work, or processing, done in sessions, actually happens after the session, or between sessions, by YOU!

Every single year there seem to be new findings about how the brain works. There are just so many new studies and findings related to anxiety and depression, and how the nervous system, and brain/body connection, work together and can be healed. If it’s been a while since you thought about therapy, you might think about trying something new along these lines. I might suggest looking into finding a therapist with a more body/brain focus, more neurologically-based methods. I would highly recommend therapists who are trained in EMDR and/or Somatic or movement techniques.

People who need therapy, and who choose to go to therapy, are AMAZING PEOPLE! And amazing people are usually good at making decisions when the moment suits them. There’s really nothing I can say to motivate you to get help. You can make the decision to go to therapy. You will go when you are ready. If you don’t want to go, you won’t go. But if you want to, I promise you that you will know exactly when that time is near. When that happens, you will have no fears. You will find someone to talk to. You will call someone. It will be a relief. You will see them. You will feel better. It might take some time, but you will feel better. Change is possible. Hope is possible. You can do it! Sending you love and virtual hugs. – Kirsten Tretbar, LMFT

7. I guess we already posted a picture of your business card (that’s bone by the way- lol) but where else can people find you?

I’m always posting things and offering unsolicited advice on:

http://www.tretbartherapy.com

http://www.facebook.com/tretbartherapy

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/kirsten-tretbar-overland-park-ks/1340674

https://www.instagram.com/tretbartherapy/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/kirstentretbar

Howdy, Andy! I’m stoked to be chatting with you. I absolutely love your mission of using hiking and positive motivation to inspire others. Let’s lace up and step into this interview!

1. Where are you from? And what inspired you to start promoting hiking as a way to improve mental health? Was there a specific moment or experience that sparked your journey?

I’m from Ventura, California, and Las Vegas, Nevada. I spent most of my childhood and early teen years in Ventura, and my later teen years, high school, early college, and mid-20s in Las Vegas. These days, I call Southern Oregon home.

My journey of promoting hiking as a tool for mental health began during a transformative period in my 30s. For 15 years, I was a pastor and had gone to Bible college, but in 2017, I made the difficult decision to step away from that life. I left behind a deeply ingrained belief system and decided to go to film school at Southern Oregon University in Ashland. I graduated with honors in 2019, an achievement I’m incredibly proud of.

After graduating, I found myself at a crossroads. Moving my family—my wife and three kids, all adopted from foster care—to Los Angeles to pursue a film career didn’t feel right. Two of my kids have special needs and endured unimaginable trauma before joining our family. Balancing those challenges and healing from my own experiences in a controlling religious group had taken a serious toll on my mental health.

That summer, at the suggestion of my therapist, I decided to try hiking as a way to reconnect with something bigger than myself. At first, I was hesitant, but it quickly became one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. That summer of 2019, I fell in love with the outdoors and the way it helped me clear my mind and lift my spirit.

I started posting about my hikes on social media, and the response was incredible. People connected with my openness about mental health and body positivity. Over the next couple of years, my following grew steadily. By 2021, I began receiving modeling opportunities with brands like Columbia Sportswear and started collaborating with outdoor companies like Eddie Bauer.

In January 2022, everything changed. I posted a simple, funny video called “Going for a Stupid Hike for My Stupid Mental Health,” and it went viral. In just a few months, my Instagram following skyrocketed from 5,000 to over 150,000. Suddenly, I was able to turn my passion for hiking and mental health into a full-time career as a content creator and influencer.

It’s been an incredible journey, and it all started with that one hike back in 2019. Hiking has given me a sense of purpose, a way to connect with others, and a platform to share my story and help people prioritize their mental health.

2. What kind of feedback do you receive from your followers about how hiking has helped their mental health? Do you have a particularly memorable story someone has shared with you?

The feedback I’ve received from my followers has been both humbling and inspiring. People often tell me how seeing someone like me—plus-size, openly discussing mental health—gives them permission to embrace the outdoors without fear of judgment. I think what resonates most is the idea that they’re not alone in their struggles and that healing can begin with something as simple as stepping onto a trail.

One story that stands out happened in downtown Portland. My wife and I were at a hotel valet when the attendant kept glancing at me. Finally, he approached and said, “Andy, you don’t know me, but I follow you, and your videos have changed my life. I started hiking, and it’s been transformative for my mental health.”

Hearing those words in the middle of the city’s hustle and bustle, with horns honking and people rushing by, reminded me why I do this. He had tears in his eyes, and in that moment, it hit me how impactful even my simplest videos can be. There are dozens of stories like his, but moments like those, where I can connect with someone face-to-face, mean the world to me.

3. Are there any trails or natural destinations that you consider especially therapeutic or uplifting? What makes them stand out to you?

Anything with a waterfall. I’m a waterfall chaser, even though TLC told us in the ’90s not to go chasing waterfalls! There’s something about standing next to one—the sound of crashing water, the cool mist on my face—it’s like nature’s reset button.

One of my favorites is Pearsony Falls, near Crater Lake National Park here in Oregon. It’s a short hike, but it’s incredibly serene, especially in the winter when the snow adds a magical touch. I could sit there for hours, listening to the water and watching it cascade over the rocks. There’s something about waterfalls that always reminds me to keep moving forward, no matter how turbulent life gets.

4. Hiking can be physically and emotionally challenging at times. How do you stay motivated, and what advice would you give to someone struggling to start?

My biggest motivator is my wife, Lindsey. Whenever I’m doubting myself, she reminds me, “You’re going to be glad you did it.” And she’s always right—I’ve never regretted a hike. Even on days when the view is fogged in or the trail is tougher than I expected, the act of moving my body through nature clears my mind and lifts my spirit.

For anyone struggling to start, I’d say: find your ‘why.’ Whether it’s for physical health, mental wellness, or simply connecting with nature, your reason will guide you. Not every hike needs to be a major trek—sometimes, just sitting by a river or walking through a park can be enough. For me, hiking is about connecting to something bigger than myself, and I always feel better afterward, both physically and mentally.

5. For someone new to hiking who wants to use it as a tool for mental wellness, what are three essential tips or pieces of advice you’d recommend?

Start Slow: You don’t need to conquer a 10-mile trail on your first outing. Begin with short hikes or even walks through green spaces nearby. Apps like AllTrails can help you find beginner-friendly paths in your area.

Avoid the Comparison Trap: Social media can make hiking look glamorous and unattainable, but don’t let that discourage you. Hiking isn’t about looking a certain way or ticking off bucket-list trails—it’s about your personal journey. Focus on what works for you.

Keep It Affordable: Hiking can feel intimidating when you see expensive gear in stores, but you don’t need to break the bank. Check out secondhand options on Facebook Marketplace or REI’s used gear section. Start with basics, and invest gradually as you figure out what you need. The goal is to enjoy nature, not stress over having the “perfect” setup.

Remember, hiking is about finding peace, connecting with the outdoors, and fostering your mental and physical health. It’s not about miles or gear; it’s about the journey—and your journey is worth it.

To follow Andy’s hiking journey and to see more waterfalls 🙂

Instagram: www.instagram.com/andyfilmsandhikes

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@andyfilmsandhikes 

YouTube: https://youtube.com/@andyfilmsandhikes 

The Hiker Podcast: www.hikerpodcast.com

Portfolio: www.andyfilmsandhikes.com